What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 01:44
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why did the Soviet Jews hate the Soviet Union?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
In bed, not in music, which is better, a drummer or a bass player?
We all went to grammer schools
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was very sick at this time too.
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And who doesn’t know suffering?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Why do men like low maintenance women?
She wouldn,t have been !
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Im still living with it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Homophobia is clearly a harmful mental sickness. What can LGBT people do to cure it?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was seconnd youngest,
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Why is the band Nickelback unliked so much?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Why would a girl not want you to know she has a crush on you?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Can you share a story of someone who had a lucky experience while hitchhiking?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My life is so biszare .
I will be 64.
Who then, do I blame.?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
As i do to all so called friends.?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She found it foreign!.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was scared of men, in general
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One cannot live in the past .
She was in good health!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She married twice! .
Ive learnt so much.
Especially a lifetime of it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But, we were locked up after school.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I waited trembling.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Would this be the day?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
What did i know ?
I could never make a relationship work though!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We were not on the streets..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But it wasn’t much.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
When she asked me how she looked .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Put me off passion for life!!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He knew the spot.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I have no regrets .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I think the readers, may guess!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She loved him until the end.
I never cut or harmed myself..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He resisted the act ,that day.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And i lived it daily.
So, i spoilt her more .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
All the time i was locked up.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My family never makes their pension either.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I don,t even have a pension.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
(And it was in our own minds.)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
So whats the point in blame.
This is soul school!.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was 9 years of age.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why did i forgive my father ?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Comes on , in middle age.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But ive been too sick for many years..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I write beautiful poetry .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I said to her
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
It was going to be , some day.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Where the ultimate outsiders.